One day I bumped into this weblog, Tundra Tabloids. It’s run by some American expat who’s been living in Finland since the 1980s, and is a site which is “keeping tabs on the most outrageous happenings in the Middle East, Islamist extremism and Islamist hegemony in Scandinavia, and on the political correctness that allows them to flourish”.
Point taken? One of those Robert Spencer loving neocons/Zionists, who have a bad knowledge of European history and who have disstressedly concluded that the so-called clash of civilizations isn’t proceeding fast enough and are thus doing their own bit. Eurabia, dhimmis, the sinking west and all that raving. The blogosphere has seen many of them, believe me, and this Sikorski fellow seems to be their highest nasal in Finland – yet let me remind you that we don’t have that many, due to a simple fact that we don’t have many Muslims. Or any other foreigners either, for that matter.
This lack of cause and conflict makes our Islamophobes, nationalists and gene pool defenders of course rather frustrated and anxious – as it indeed does sound a little bit amusing to preach about “Islamist hegemony” if you live in a country where the religion in question has approx 40 000 believers, let alone how many of them make an ism out of it. If you ask me, it makes you sound like quite an idiot.
But then again, every man needs a hobby and to my personal delight the author of Tundra Tabloids is apparently pursuing his from Suolahti. That’s a town in Central Finland, about 50km north of Jyväskylä. It used to be an independent municipality but with 5000 inhabitants such made no sense in the long run, and so it was merged with its two neighbours, Äänekoski and Sumiainen (a village where my parents live, where I lived sixteen years and from where I’m posting right now, should you find that interesting) in January 2007.
I was born in Suolahti, and I can assure that it is a home to maybe four or five Muslims; in the last municipal election there were 19 non-EU foreign residents eligible to vote, and then there’s a kebab place anyway, so I guess the size of their population must be four, maybe even that five. I can’t tell how it stimulates Mr Sikorski’s counter-jihad, yet must anyhow concede that if there has ever been a hegemony caused by a Muslim immigrant in Central Finland then it all has started surely from Suolahti. We opened the gates and let in Sükrü Uzuner.
Sükrü Uzuner is a Finnish football player, born in Turkey, and ever since the early-90s he has had an absolute hegemony over the Central Finnish football scene. On and off the pitch, so to speak. He reminds me of Shefki Kuqi. He has got Shefki’s strength and inherent pervasiveness, but unfortunately only half of his skill, which is the reason why he hasn’t been blessed by an international career.
Sükrü is a great man, nevertheless. He started his Finnish career in Äänekosken Huima, like e.g. John Allen, the second coach of today’s TPS, but a story (as told by my mates, who I trust in this case, out of narrative purposes) has it that he was supposed to come first to Suolahden Urho – just before our cheeky neighbours snatched him. Huima played in the 2nd division at that time (now in the 3rd) and Sükrü’s next, most logical step was a transfer to JJK of Jyväskylä (then in the 1st division and now, after a painfully long 3rd-tier diaspora, back there).
Sükrü is a striker, and has alwas known how to score goals. That trait took him to play in Veikkausliiga – first for (now sadly deceased) FinnPa, then for HJK, later also for KTP and FC Hämeenlinna. I don’t know how many goals he scored in total but, praise the Lord, they were many. [Update: they were 15.] KTP he saved from relegation and Hämeenlinna he lifted to Veikkausliiga. HJK never really deserved him.
Now he’s back in Jyväskylä and, at least for the time being, has found a home in FCJ Blackbird, the city’s second best club coached by Nelu Petrescu – Tomi Petrescu’s father. As for his age, Sükrü is now more than 30 but certainly less than 40 [corrected, by ap], so personally I don’t see a quick end to his hegemony. In religious and political terms he, at least to my modest knowledge, is a somewhat secular foreign-born citizen, but football he has always taken very seriously. Mr Sikorski and the region’s other survivalists are advised not to leave their bunkers.